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Off-topic: Jokes hangout :-)
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timo200a 
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Posted: 2013-04-29, 05:57   Off-topic: Jokes hangout :-)

Got this thread idea few minutes ago, well .. till the fun and naughty jokes section is out.. hail Mariusz the great (scared)

Everyone feel free to post whatever good one made you laugh .. specially NAUGHTY ones, this particular type goes here under the freedom of speech thing blablabla .. as long it's not political, racist blablabla the most ever, what so ever and ever again naughty, dirty, fishy etc

Jewbag (aka Abracadaver) must approve the naughtiness degree of that specific joke type then you can laugh as wide as your upper hole !

Toffer, cleared to laugh with no further notice.. he's a VIP so suck't on !
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Innocent one for now:

There was a reporter interviewing a retired buccaneer about his many years living at sea. As she understood it, he had lead a very long and exciting life. Trying to find an exciting story, she started the interview by asking, “So, Captain, how did you get your peg leg?”

The Captain responded, “I got too drunk one night and broke me’ ankle. The ship doesn’t have a doctor, so we cut it off and put the leg on thar.”

The reporter was disappointed, because she had expected a more exciting story. Not to be discouraged, she would move on to her next question, asking him how he had gotten the hook on his hand. He responded, “ ‘Twas me night to cook and I wasn’t paying attention when cuttin’ the food. Like before, we didn’t have no doctor te fix me up, so we put the hook on there.”

Once again, the story had been less exciting than the reporter had hoped. In a final act of desperation, she asked about the path on his eye, to which he explained, “I was out on the deck lookin’ at the sea when a seagull flew overhead and its droppin’s fell clear into me eye.”

The reporter was confused. “That’s why you wear a patch on your eye?”

The Captain responded, “Well, I’d only had me hook for a few days!”

Cheers

[ Added: 2013-04-29, 07:28 ]
Ok .. i can't hold it, a bad one:

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.

"In this country ... we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives ...

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
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NoReality 
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Posted: 2013-04-29, 19:02   

Both of those a good. The second one had me ROFL.
 
     
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Toffer00 
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Posted: 2013-04-29, 21:12   

awesome idea my friend!!!



This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.... Now read without the word dog.
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AbraCadaver 
Livyatan Melvillei


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Posted: 2013-04-30, 01:20   

That's how I like my beer toffee! :-D

Timo's 2nd one had me giggling too man (cue strange looks on the bus). Pirate one was still funny. My jokes have mostly went to bed, so here's a bad pun ;-)

"Two monsters fell off a cliff. Boom boom."

I chuffing love that joke, nobody else does haha :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
Even now I have a big stupid smile, maybe I should sleep?
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eichenadam 
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Posted: 2013-05-01, 06:58   

What did the blind man that wandered into a fish market say?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
>>Hello Ladies!!!
 
     
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Mariusz 
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Posted: 2013-05-01, 21:24   

A woman rides on a bicycle with 2 sacks on her back. While she is riding she looses 2 € pieces of one sack because it has a whole. A police officer sees and stops her and says: Do you know that you loosing 2 € from one of the sacks? But what makes me wonder more is from where you get that sack full of 2 €? Did you rob somebody?
The woman answers: No, no, mr. officer. I am having a sweet little garden nearby a football stadium. And every week after a match many drunk fans are peeing in my bushes. So i started to hide behind the bushes with a bush scissor. And everytime someone is peeing i hold my scissor in front of his balls and whisper: Pay 2 € or i cut your balls off!!!
Hmm okay, says the officer, but i am still wondering whats in the other sack?
The woman smile and says: Well mr. officer not everyone wants to pay.

>:] >:] >:]
 
     
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AbraCadaver 
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Posted: 2013-05-02, 00:38   

Lmfao :-D
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timo200a 
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Posted: 2013-05-02, 01:00   

Lol Mariusz, obviously barcelonians didn't pay either.. hehe :-P

Eichenadam, eew that's nasty ..man
Trying to think of it spongepop-ically but if any gynecologist read it, that's a big eeeeeeeww and yuk as well :shock:
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Mariusz 
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Posted: 2013-05-02, 13:52   

A young girl comes home after school. She goes to her mother to tell her proudly:
"Mommy, mommy, today we learned counting at school. Everybody only can count from 1-5. But i already can count from 1-10. Is it cause i am blonde, mommy ?"
"Yes my dear, says her mom, its only cause your blonde"
On the next day the girl goes to her mother again, to tell her proudly:
"Mommy, mommy, today we learned the alphabet. Everybody can only spell from A-C. But i can it from A-Z. Is it cause i am blonde ?"
"Yes my dear, says her mom, its only cause your blonde"
On the third day the girl goes to her mother again, to tell her proudly:
"Mommy, mommy, today we had our first swimming lesson. Every else dont have breasts, but i have already this." And she points on her DD-cup. "Is it cause i am blonde?"
No my dear, says her mom, its because you are already 23."

[ Added: 2013-05-02, 17:13 ]
True story

chickens.jpeg
19 Time(s) 90.07 KB

 
     
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eichenadam 
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Posted: 2013-05-06, 21:20   

Standing in front of the mirror the mans wife complained that her breasts were too small.

Husband: "Rub some toilet paper between them."

Wife: "Toilet paper? How is that going to make my breasts bigger?"

Husband: "I don't know, it worked on your ass didn't it."
 
     
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Mariusz 
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Posted: 2013-05-10, 19:48   

2 policemen are talking about their favoriced sex practise.
The first says : I found out how to take my orgasm to the top when i am with my wife. When i take her from the back i am holding my gun in my hand. And short before i come i shoot 4 times in the air. Thats scares her so much that she presses her asshole tight. I am tellin you its great.

Really?, says the other officer, thats what i have to try, thanks.
On the next day they meet again and the first one asks: And how was it?
The other says: Shut up it was horrible!!! After i came home we started to doing it in 69ner. Then shortly before i came i shooted in the air. My wife was so scared that she bited me in my dick, shitted in my face and a man came out of the closet holding his hands high.
 
     
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Livyatan Melvillei


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Posted: 2013-05-15, 19:13   

Lol Mariusz that's quality :-)

What did the Leper say to the prostitute?

You can keep the tip ;-)
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Toffer00 
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Posted: 2013-05-28, 22:44   

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Enjoy life. This is not a dress rehearsal

Last edited by Toffer00 on 2013-06-22, 23:36; edited 1 time in total  
 
     
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26472d
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Posted: 2013-05-29, 01:04   

Marius....awesome
 
     
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timo200a 
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Posted: 2013-05-30, 08:04   

A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression. Its called trycoxagain.

Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. Ready or not here I come...

If you like it, more to cum ;-)

:04: :04: :04:
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